Bad poets across Columbia gathered at Barnard's Held Auditorium to participate in the Philolexian Society's 25th annual Alfred Joyce Kilmer Memorial Bad Poetry Contest on Thursday night. The contest is inspired by former Philo Vice President and CC Class of 1908 graduate Alfred Kilmer, who's poem "Trees" has gained notoriety as being exceptionally bad. Students recite their original poems in hopes of joining the ranks of previous terrible poets.

Some poets recited in the style of Dr. Seuss: "Let me alone! I do not like it on a plane! I do not like it up in Maine...I do not like it here or there! I do not like it anywhere!"

As the literary society's most popular event, the contest easily drew over a hundred enthusiasts. Poems covered a wide array of topics, from Velveeta cheese to the Transportation Security Administration. 

In reference to the recent TSA pat-downs, one poet recited, "What are you searching for down there? Is my heart? Because that you already have."

The night was full of surprises, from interesting personalities to unexpected proposals.

"Allie, will you marry me?" beseeched one hopeful suitor.

She said yes. But the highlights of the night - or should I say the lowlights? - remained bad poetry. 

One poet offered an especially topical poem: "They came for the absinthe, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a fancy French guy. Then they came for the Joose, and I didn't speak up because I didn't like Manischewitz. Then they came for the Four Loko, and by that time no one was left to speak up."

UPDATE: Gerard Leone, UPenn '07, won the 25th Alfred Joyce Kilmer Memorial Bad Poetry Contest for his poem "OH Tea Party ME".